Thursday, July 8, 2010

Alaska Day Ten and Eleven (Wednesday and Thursday)

Ok, Alaska, I have a bone to pick with you. I've been trying to schedule a backcountry ATV tour or the last few days, because it sounds like a whole lot of fun. I'm even willing to pay your outlandish prices for such a tour, even though I could use that same money and book a Travelocity last minute weekend in Orlando nearly any time than what these ATV tours cost. But the problem here, Alaska, is that you won't let me book a tour unless I'm booking for at least two people.

Forgive me, 49th State, but I'm single. I'm sure this state of affairs actually bothers me more than it bothers you, although I've encountered several really unruly small children in the last few weeks, and I've also just read that New Yorker mag article on how study after study shows that people without children are happier than people with children, so part of me lately has been saying, "HAHAHA! I'm single, suckers!," but I digress...

Here's the thing: Over 50% of Americans are now single. That means there's a lot of us who are going to be travelling alone. That means you're going to have to pony up to reality and let individuals, and not just "groups of two or more," book your ATV tours or you're going to have a lot of empty ATVs sitting in Wasilla, you know? And although there's enough eating going on in this state to make me feel like I'm an amoeba about to undergo binary fission, last I looked in the mirror I'm still just one homo sapien, not two protista.

Speaking of eating in Alaska, factoid of the day: Alaskans eat more ice cream per capita than any other state in the US. Studies are ongoing to see if they eat more ice cream per capita than anywhere in the world (your tax dollars at work!).

What the why?

"Hey, Barney, it's 25 below zero out there, and I really got a hankering for some Baskin-Robbins. Wanna get the ATVs out and go? Heck, there's two of us...it's not like I was gonna do something crazy, like try to book an ATV tour when I'm single...I was just gonna go out through this raging blizzard and get me a Double Scoop of Quarterback Crunch!"

Weird place, this is.

'Nuff said. Tomorrow I'm headed up to what everyone calls "The Mountain." We'll see if The Mountain is amenable to groups of one or if The Mountain also only turns up for groups of two or more...

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